The Death of Enthusiasm

I have a theory that I seem to bring up way more than necessary. (Many of you may have heard my "mustaches and yellow gold" theory already. To you I say: Listen up anyways.)

Mustaches have traditionally been seen as a stylish and somewhat rakish or debonair look for discerning men everywhere. Only in the last 15 years or so has our cultural zeitgeist deemed them, "creepy" or "lame." This lameness certainly hasn't been lost on hipsters and ironic hucksters which has led to a preponderance of "ironic mustaches." You know the guy--he probably wears "Cosby sweaters" he bought at the DI along with some type of old person waking shoes. Don't trust him. He is walking heap of irony dipped in a thin coating of desperation.

My theory is that this first ironic embrace of the mustache is only a foreshadowing of the coming revolution of the sincere mustache. Here are some examples of some sincere mustaches that any lady should find quite attractive:





Unfortunately, the mustache also has a reputation of extreme gayness. If you are contemplating growing a sincere mustache, please don't try these styles due to their gayness potential (unless of course, you are gay in which case, go bananas!):




I once attempted a sincere mustache but most people thought it was of the ironic variety. This was disappointing. You can tell if someone has an ironic mustache if they seek attention with it or carry an expression of smug hipness:




Now, gold jewelry hasn't really gone out of style so much as skipped my generation. Who are we to decide that gold wedding rings are out of style? Hundreds of years of gold wedding bands and suddenly we like dark gray blob-rings made of "tungsten" or some other made-up metal? Kudos to those who know that the wave of the future is yellow gold and sincere mustaches. Seriously, give it five years.

Labels: the sincere mustache

Here are some photos of our San Diego/Carlsbad/Vegas road trip:


Apparently you can attract business to your beef jerky store if you claim it's made from aliens. Gross. (Baker, California)


I really liked how these long johns blew in the wind. Exciting! (Old Town, San Diego)


I became briefly obsessed with these yarn finger puppets and bought several. Look at batman! He's wearing blue glasses! (Old Town, San Diego)


Ye Olde architecture. (Old Town, San Diego)


Sunset at the beach. (Carlsbad, California)


Some sort of monkey at the San Diego Zoo.


ZOO!


It's clear now. We go INTO THE BEAR PIT.


I had to take a picture of this because I still have the maturity of a twelve-year-old.


We went swimming at some random beach in Ocean Beach, just west of San Diego.


This right after we got done boogey-boarding in Carlsbad. We almost drowned several times and also chaffed our nipples something fierce. It was still fun.


Fabulous Las Vegas. We ate at a buffet on Fremont street and didn't even throw up afterward!

Random images:

Labels: vacation photos

7. It sure is hot/cold in here!

6. Is Obama really a Muslim?

5. What were those crazy contestants on "America's Got Talent" thinking?

4. The unwillingness of ex-husbands to pay child support and the flawed nature of men in general.

3. The respective advantages of different models of insulin pumps.

2. The lack of love in their marriages and why it's the husband's fault.

1. That Tina over in sales is a total hussy.

Labels: work

Has this ever happened to you?:

You walk into a house or apartment of a friend and upon entering you smell an odor that seems to be soup of some kind, possibly Campbell's vegetable beef. "Mmmmmm, that smells good," you think to yourself. But on further observation, you realize that there is no soup being cooked at all, and you are in fact mistaking some other odor for soup. Quickly, the pleasure of smelling warm soup turns to revulsion as you realize that your friend is a pig and hasn't taken out his garbage in several weeks, and that garbage is in fact, the source of the soup-like odor.

This is what I like to call olfactory-dissonance. I first noticed this terrible phenomena when I was about 14 years old. I came into my parents house and smelled the delicious aroma of warm garlic breadsticks baking in the oven. How horrified I was when I realized that our home teacher, who was sitting in the living room, had body odor that smelled exactly like garlic breadsticks.

The terrible thing about olfactory-dissonance is that you feel completely betrayed by your body. How can your own sense of smell turn against you like that? Didn't we develop smell and our gag reflexes so we don't accidentally eat rancid meat? What if some poor caveman came across a rotting mastodon carcass and ate it because it smelled exactly like a freshly-baked cinnamon roll? That noble caveman would die, all because our noses aren't smart enough to not be fooled by things that smell like other things!

I suppose there is a flip side to this theory because sometimes foods that taste good actually smell terrible. Cheese, fish, and some kinds of Chinese food smell like death, but taste wonderful.

In conclusion, the next time you walk into your office and smell fresh donuts, don't get too excited. It could be that Jim in legal just forgot to take a shower this morning.

Labels: observational findings

My position at work requires me to walk around talk with various people in the office in order to give them paperwork and what-have-you. Here is a rough approximation of a conversation I had this morning (note: I have edited some of the words in order to maintain a PG rating).

ME: Hey, can you talk to the customer and get it back to me later? (I hand her a paper)

WOMAN (on the phone with someone): NO! I DON'T WANT TO WAIT FOR YOU TO FIGURE YOUR **** OUT! WHY CAN'T YOU JUST GET TAYLOR READY AND TAKE HIM TO GET HIS ***DAMN HAIR CUT???

ME: (I make a sympathetic face and wave my hand like I'm about to leave)

WOMAN: SERIOUSLY!! WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM? (Waves her hand towards herself as if to beckon me to stay until she is done with the phone call)

ME: (I make the "no really, it's OK." Face and start to back away)

WOMAN: LISTEN, I CAN'T TALK ABOUT THIS RIGHT NOW! I'M TRYING TO WORK YOU STUPID PIECE OF ****!!! (Covers the end of the receiver with her hand and smiles at me) OK, I'll get this back to you today. Thanks! (Said in a warm friendly voice)

ME: All right, thanks. (I turn and start walking away)

WOMAN (Back on the Phone): JUST DO IT! WHY ARE YOU OVERREACTING LIKE THIS???!!?!?!? (Slams the phone down and takes a deep breath)

Labels: work

Photographs of the 4th of July concert.


Dan and I with Brandon Wright on keyboard:



Friends:



It took me a while to figure out what I was doing in this one. I think I'm taking a guitar pick out of my mouth. Not sucking my finger.




Robbie and Carly:



Nephews:

Labels: concert

In this decade it's become something of a cliche to make jokes about "googling yourself." Probably most everyone has done it, and most people can actually find some information about themselves on the Internet. Hopefully it's good things, like you won a ribbon at the County Fair and not because you're a registered sex offender.

I have kept the results of my own self-googling a secret these last few years. You are about to find out why.

If you Google "Chase Thompson" you will come up with some harmless links like this one, which is just a financial firm. You will also see a lot of links for a musician named Chase Thompson who kind of is a cross between Creed (vaguely Christian but wouldn't admit it), Coldplay, and Michael Bolton. Here is an example:



He's not really my favorite Chase Thompson, but pretty harmless.

You will find some random homepages of guys named "Chase Thompson" like a weatherman, or some marketing guys, and various frat members and college athletes. If you Google "Chase Thompson" + "Statesman" (as I know so many of you have done) you can find some of my old music reviews.

Up to this point though we have been ignoring the massive, disgusting, and foul smelling elephant in the room. What is the number one search result for "Chase Thompson?"






THIS:



AND THIS:



AND THIS:



AND THIS:





WHY?????? WHAT HAVE I DONE TO DESERVE THIS?? HAVE YE NO MERCY, THOU FOUL GOOGLE SEARCH ENGINE??


It turns out that there is a group of females that actively try to dress as males--think of it as the opposite of traditional cross-dressers. One of them has named his/herself Chase Thompson. He/she is dedicated to advancing the "art of male illusion" and has held several titles such as: "Sir Heads or Tails" and "Mr. Gay."

As you can imagine, I was disgusted and deeply dismayed with this development. Then I was even more deeply dismayed and disgusted when I visited www.chasethompson.org to see for myself how incredibly creepy my own name had become.

The truth comes out. A drag-king has named his/herself after me.

Moral of the story: The internet hates me.

Labels: drag-kings, random