July 31, 2008
The Sincere Mustache and Yellow Gold: Our Nation's Bright Future
I have a theory that I seem to bring up way more than necessary. (Many of you may have heard my "mustaches and yellow gold" theory already. To you I say: Listen up anyways.)
Mustaches have traditionally been seen as a stylish and somewhat rakish or debonair look for discerning men everywhere. Only in the last 15 years or so has our cultural zeitgeist deemed them, "creepy" or "lame." This lameness certainly hasn't been lost on hipsters and ironic hucksters which has led to a preponderance of "ironic mustaches." You know the guy--he probably wears "Cosby sweaters" he bought at the DI along with some type of old person waking shoes. Don't trust him. He is walking heap of irony dipped in a thin coating of desperation.
My theory is that this first ironic embrace of the mustache is only a foreshadowing of the coming revolution of the sincere mustache. Here are some examples of some sincere mustaches that any lady should find quite attractive:
Unfortunately, the mustache also has a reputation of extreme gayness. If you are contemplating growing a sincere mustache, please don't try these styles due to their gayness potential (unless of course, you are gay in which case, go bananas!):
I once attempted a sincere mustache but most people thought it was of the ironic variety. This was disappointing. You can tell if someone has an ironic mustache if they seek attention with it or carry an expression of smug hipness:
Now, gold jewelry hasn't really gone out of style so much as skipped my generation. Who are we to decide that gold wedding rings are out of style? Hundreds of years of gold wedding bands and suddenly we like dark gray blob-rings made of "tungsten" or some other made-up metal? Kudos to those who know that the wave of the future is yellow gold and sincere mustaches. Seriously, give it five years.
Mustaches have traditionally been seen as a stylish and somewhat rakish or debonair look for discerning men everywhere. Only in the last 15 years or so has our cultural zeitgeist deemed them, "creepy" or "lame." This lameness certainly hasn't been lost on hipsters and ironic hucksters which has led to a preponderance of "ironic mustaches." You know the guy--he probably wears "Cosby sweaters" he bought at the DI along with some type of old person waking shoes. Don't trust him. He is walking heap of irony dipped in a thin coating of desperation.
My theory is that this first ironic embrace of the mustache is only a foreshadowing of the coming revolution of the sincere mustache. Here are some examples of some sincere mustaches that any lady should find quite attractive:
Unfortunately, the mustache also has a reputation of extreme gayness. If you are contemplating growing a sincere mustache, please don't try these styles due to their gayness potential (unless of course, you are gay in which case, go bananas!):
I once attempted a sincere mustache but most people thought it was of the ironic variety. This was disappointing. You can tell if someone has an ironic mustache if they seek attention with it or carry an expression of smug hipness:
Now, gold jewelry hasn't really gone out of style so much as skipped my generation. Who are we to decide that gold wedding rings are out of style? Hundreds of years of gold wedding bands and suddenly we like dark gray blob-rings made of "tungsten" or some other made-up metal? Kudos to those who know that the wave of the future is yellow gold and sincere mustaches. Seriously, give it five years.
Labels: the sincere mustache
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