March 24, 2010
Old Man Strength
This last weekend my family underwent some early spring yard work. Awesome!
As part of this there was digging, raking, pulling weeds, and the general dragging around of large tarps heaped with branches.
I have crappy lower-lumbar strength or something, so this more or less reduced me to a heap of wussy, quivering man-flesh on the ground.
What I want to know is when I get to have old man strength.
You know what I'm talking about: A 75-year-old farmer flings bales of hay around like they're empty cardboard boxes. Middle age men with massive beer guts and slipped discs carry a piano up three flights of stairs. Heck, I've seen my old man dead lift a 300 pound Armoire over his head and into the bed of a truck, with his fingertips!
I know old man strength exists, I just wonder when it's finally going to kick in for me. Is it a realization of your own mortality? Is it just a sum affect of all the experience and wisdom of your years? Is it just being...old?
At any rate, I feel that when I finally do get my old man strength it won't be used for anything very cool; I'll be pushing around boxes filled with dusty sports equipment with my bum crack showing. I can't wait.
Labels: old man stuff
March 16, 2010
All time girly crushes
As part of my ongoing effort to show everyone how not gay I am, I decided to make a list of my (FEMALE!) pop-culture crushes. It started off well, with your standard picks like Rashida Jones.
So Pretty!
Team Karen forever!
Alison Brie from Community is also good looking:
In addition to these, I was going to add Mila Kunis, but then for some reason I started thinking about how she looks like a young Linda Ronstadt. Example:
Interesting! She was very attractive! Add that to her HUGE voice and that puts her above most modern day chicks I can think of.
Here she is singing with Johnny Cash. Sign me up!
AND SO, that gave me an idea to write an all-time list of hot girls regardless of their respective places on the space/time continuum.
HERE THEY ARE:
1. Ellen Barkin:
Until recently, I only knew this lady as the one with way too much plastic surgery who gets seduced by Matt Damon in Ocean's 13. However, I happened to see The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the Eighth Dimension recently, starring Peter Weller. (PETER WELLER, WHO LATER BECAME THE LEGENDARY ROBOCOP!)
It's an incredibly bizarre movie with stilted dialog and a nonsensical plot...yet I really liked it. I probably couldn't convince anyone to sit through the whole thing with me, but just trust me on this one. It's the good kind of awful.
The thing is, Ellen Barkin was actually really pretty and unique looking when she was young! Good job young Ellen Barkin! Here's the trailer:
2. Stevie Nicks
Ok so, Stevie Nicks was really hot in the mid seventies. I can see why the whole band wanted to commit adultery with her. Well done mid-seventies Stevie Nicks! Sorry about your cocaine addiction! (Not really.)
3. Jennifer Connelly
I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, "HEY JENNIFER CONNELLY ISN'T THAT OLD YOU JERK. WHAT KIND OF JERK ARE YOU?"
I know! She's not very old, and she's still very good looking!
HOWEVER MY FRIENDS, I maintain that Jennifer Connelly circa 1991 in The Rocketeer was probably the most attractive person of all time. PROOF:
4. Emmylou Harris:
Whoops! So many musicans! Sorry guyz, I can't control it. I'm like a male version of those girls who think any guy who can sing is attractive. Does anyone know a girl who can play the autoharp? I'll propose on the spot!
Double whoops! Now that I've looked up some photos, I think Emmylou Harris is actually better looking as an older lady with silver hair.
See...right?
Actually, I think I might have overshared on this one.
In conclusion: Great job attractive ladies! You really are quite attractive!
So Pretty!
Team Karen forever!
Alison Brie from Community is also good looking:
In addition to these, I was going to add Mila Kunis, but then for some reason I started thinking about how she looks like a young Linda Ronstadt. Example:
Interesting! She was very attractive! Add that to her HUGE voice and that puts her above most modern day chicks I can think of.
Here she is singing with Johnny Cash. Sign me up!
AND SO, that gave me an idea to write an all-time list of hot girls regardless of their respective places on the space/time continuum.
HERE THEY ARE:
1. Ellen Barkin:
Until recently, I only knew this lady as the one with way too much plastic surgery who gets seduced by Matt Damon in Ocean's 13. However, I happened to see The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the Eighth Dimension recently, starring Peter Weller. (PETER WELLER, WHO LATER BECAME THE LEGENDARY ROBOCOP!)
It's an incredibly bizarre movie with stilted dialog and a nonsensical plot...yet I really liked it. I probably couldn't convince anyone to sit through the whole thing with me, but just trust me on this one. It's the good kind of awful.
The thing is, Ellen Barkin was actually really pretty and unique looking when she was young! Good job young Ellen Barkin! Here's the trailer:
2. Stevie Nicks
Ok so, Stevie Nicks was really hot in the mid seventies. I can see why the whole band wanted to commit adultery with her. Well done mid-seventies Stevie Nicks! Sorry about your cocaine addiction! (Not really.)
3. Jennifer Connelly
I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, "HEY JENNIFER CONNELLY ISN'T THAT OLD YOU JERK. WHAT KIND OF JERK ARE YOU?"
I know! She's not very old, and she's still very good looking!
HOWEVER MY FRIENDS, I maintain that Jennifer Connelly circa 1991 in The Rocketeer was probably the most attractive person of all time. PROOF:
4. Emmylou Harris:
Whoops! So many musicans! Sorry guyz, I can't control it. I'm like a male version of those girls who think any guy who can sing is attractive. Does anyone know a girl who can play the autoharp? I'll propose on the spot!
Double whoops! Now that I've looked up some photos, I think Emmylou Harris is actually better looking as an older lady with silver hair.
See...right?
Actually, I think I might have overshared on this one.
In conclusion: Great job attractive ladies! You really are quite attractive!
March 2, 2010
The Most Inessential Vacation Photos
I was in Southern California for almost two weeks with my family recently. Awesome! I got to put off my job hunt/life for a while. Here are the most inessential photos I took.
Sock hands!
The Ocean!
I was privileged enough to eat at Nice Food #3! I'd hate to see what numbers one and two were like.
I got to play a Theremin! I felt like a crazy person.
Impressionism on main st at Disneyland.
Nightmare fuel at the Orange County fair. Look at those fries!
The best coat of arms. FACT.
Sock hands!
The Ocean!
I was privileged enough to eat at Nice Food #3! I'd hate to see what numbers one and two were like.
I got to play a Theremin! I felt like a crazy person.
Impressionism on main st at Disneyland.
Nightmare fuel at the Orange County fair. Look at those fries!
The best coat of arms. FACT.
Labels: california, vacation photos
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