April 10, 2008
What of the Whom
In an effort to more fully immerse blog readers into the world of tdoe (The Death of Enthusiasm), I have taken some photos of my day. I know some people have already done this on their blogs. Mine is sure to be better than theirs.
This my car, or "Deborah" as she is known around here. She is the exact color of the nail polish of a woman in her late forties who could reasonably be named Deborah. Sometimes girls are all like, "Is that a Camry? I heard those are way fast." And then I'm like, "Yeah, it is. Wanna come for a ride?" And then they go with me for a ride.
After I get up I usually go to school. Usually in this building. It smells like the inside of a grandma's purse.
Here is the inside of the building. I found out that people don't like it when you take photographs of them for no apparent reason, and then give them no explanation when they ask.
I then go to work in this charming building. It looks boring from the outside, but inside it's cool. It has cubicles!
I was given this jolly Mexican snowman as a Christmas present. He guards my computer for me at night. I don't think that the Mexican cleaning lady would ever want to steal stuff from a cubicle inhabited by her own jolly, water-based compatriot.
Speaking of stuff in my desk, here is my desk drawer. I bet you can name at least two things that don't belong in an adult's work drawer.
This is my weird Native-American themed mousepad. My boss gave it to me one day in a really casual manner. She was all like, "Here's the weird mouse pad you requested," when in reality I had no idea why she was giving it to me. I already had a perfectly fine mousepad. What's the deal with that?
This is a picture of a dog I have tacked on my cubicle wall. Sometimes people (logically) assume that he (or she) is my dog and then they ask me about him (or her). I like this picture. It makes me like I really do have a doggy friend, or that I will have one someday.
DOGGY....
DOG...................................
This is a scantron with the words "hold me" penciled in. It's actually a piece of art that has been displayed in a real art gallery, but that doesn't mean that my coworkers think I'm any less strange for having it.
This my car, or "Deborah" as she is known around here. She is the exact color of the nail polish of a woman in her late forties who could reasonably be named Deborah. Sometimes girls are all like, "Is that a Camry? I heard those are way fast." And then I'm like, "Yeah, it is. Wanna come for a ride?" And then they go with me for a ride.
After I get up I usually go to school. Usually in this building. It smells like the inside of a grandma's purse.
Here is the inside of the building. I found out that people don't like it when you take photographs of them for no apparent reason, and then give them no explanation when they ask.
I then go to work in this charming building. It looks boring from the outside, but inside it's cool. It has cubicles!
I was given this jolly Mexican snowman as a Christmas present. He guards my computer for me at night. I don't think that the Mexican cleaning lady would ever want to steal stuff from a cubicle inhabited by her own jolly, water-based compatriot.
Speaking of stuff in my desk, here is my desk drawer. I bet you can name at least two things that don't belong in an adult's work drawer.
This is my weird Native-American themed mousepad. My boss gave it to me one day in a really casual manner. She was all like, "Here's the weird mouse pad you requested," when in reality I had no idea why she was giving it to me. I already had a perfectly fine mousepad. What's the deal with that?
This is a picture of a dog I have tacked on my cubicle wall. Sometimes people (logically) assume that he (or she) is my dog and then they ask me about him (or her). I like this picture. It makes me like I really do have a doggy friend, or that I will have one someday.
DOGGY....
DOG...................................
This is a scantron with the words "hold me" penciled in. It's actually a piece of art that has been displayed in a real art gallery, but that doesn't mean that my coworkers think I'm any less strange for having it.
December 11, 2007
HOW SOMEONE WITH
AN AMERICAN PUBLIC-
SCHOOL EDUCATION WHO
DIDN'T REALLY PAY
MUCH ATTENTION IN
CLASS BUT LEARNED JUST
ENOUGH TO PASS EXAMS
IMAGINES THE FIRST
THANKSGIVING.
BY MATT PASSET
- - - -
PILGRIM: Happy First Thanksgiving. Thank you for having us to your tepee.
INDIAN: How!
(The INDIAN holds his hand in the air with his palm facing out.)
INDIAN: That means "Hello" in Indian.
PILGRIM: We came here on the Mayflower. It is that big ship over there. It has nothing to do with the Niña, the Pinta, and the Santa Maria. That is something else completely.
INDIAN: We are having a powwow; it is like a meeting.
(PILGRIM takes a bite of food.)
PILGRIM: This is good. What is it?
INDIAN: That is corn. It is also called maize.
PILGRIM: Yes, like a labyrinth.
INDIAN: (Mumbles something inaudible about David Bowie.)
PILGRIM: Thank you for introducing corn to me. This turkey is good, too.
INDIAN: We hunted it. We are hunters and gatherers.
PILGRIM: Excuse me one second; the buckle to my shoe has come undone.
(PILGRIM bends down and buckles his shoe.)
PILGRIM: This is a nice neighborhood.
INDIAN: It is called Plymouth Rock. It does not refer to one single rock. We are not eating dinner on some large rock sitting by the water, even though people might one day think that. We just moved here. We used to own Manhattan, but sold it for $24. They paid us in buttons and arrowheads.
PILGRIM: (Sarcastically.) Wow, $24! That, uh ... sounds like a good deal.
INDIAN: We have casinos and sell cheap cigarettes.
(INDIAN lights a peace pipe, adjusts his feather headdress.)
PILGRIM: I have a buckle on my hat, I think for no reason.
Note: I know we are past thanksgiving, but this made me laugh. A lot.
AN AMERICAN PUBLIC-
SCHOOL EDUCATION WHO
DIDN'T REALLY PAY
MUCH ATTENTION IN
CLASS BUT LEARNED JUST
ENOUGH TO PASS EXAMS
IMAGINES THE FIRST
THANKSGIVING.
BY MATT PASSET
- - - -
PILGRIM: Happy First Thanksgiving. Thank you for having us to your tepee.
INDIAN: How!
(The INDIAN holds his hand in the air with his palm facing out.)
INDIAN: That means "Hello" in Indian.
PILGRIM: We came here on the Mayflower. It is that big ship over there. It has nothing to do with the Niña, the Pinta, and the Santa Maria. That is something else completely.
INDIAN: We are having a powwow; it is like a meeting.
(PILGRIM takes a bite of food.)
PILGRIM: This is good. What is it?
INDIAN: That is corn. It is also called maize.
PILGRIM: Yes, like a labyrinth.
INDIAN: (Mumbles something inaudible about David Bowie.)
PILGRIM: Thank you for introducing corn to me. This turkey is good, too.
INDIAN: We hunted it. We are hunters and gatherers.
PILGRIM: Excuse me one second; the buckle to my shoe has come undone.
(PILGRIM bends down and buckles his shoe.)
PILGRIM: This is a nice neighborhood.
INDIAN: It is called Plymouth Rock. It does not refer to one single rock. We are not eating dinner on some large rock sitting by the water, even though people might one day think that. We just moved here. We used to own Manhattan, but sold it for $24. They paid us in buttons and arrowheads.
PILGRIM: (Sarcastically.) Wow, $24! That, uh ... sounds like a good deal.
INDIAN: We have casinos and sell cheap cigarettes.
(INDIAN lights a peace pipe, adjusts his feather headdress.)
PILGRIM: I have a buckle on my hat, I think for no reason.
Note: I know we are past thanksgiving, but this made me laugh. A lot.
Labels: humor
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